Overall I thought your paper was so clear, easy to read, and made a lot of sense. You did a nice job making it flow and it was very organized. I liked how you used very specific answers from your interview. Your thesis statement is very interesting and pulls the reader in. I also liked how you took the time to conduct your own study in your dorm. It was a good example of what people really think of the word business. All of your citations looked correct. When you used a quotation from your interview it was good that you used "personal communication" to help cite what you wrote. I noticed very minimal grammar errors, but I would still suggest to back a proof read it a few more time just to make sure.
1) Your sub topics are very organized by using "Academic, Non-Academic, and SLR." I am not sure if our professor wants it this way, but if he does not I would suggest to create new sub topics that are more interesting and pull the reader in more. 2) There were a few instances that you were referring back to the name of a journal but it was not in italics or quotations so it made it a little bit hard to figure out what exactly was the journal name versus what was your own writing. Just make sure to go back and fix that. 3) Your conclusion is a little bit short. I would try to add some more details and really just reiterate what your paper was about once again. Maybe go back to all the key points you made to make sure the reader really takes that away from the paper after finishing reading.
I thought you had a very strong paper! With just a couple of more corrections and details it should be great! Nice job!
After I first finished reading this paper, I think it is a good paper draft. The hook in the beginning is very interesting. The ideas are really clear, and the comparison of academic and non-academic writing in business is well formatted. The organization, structure and language are pretty good, this paper also uses references and the information from interview very well. I don't think I can give many useful advice for this paper, but here's some personal suggestions for you:
1. The transition between each paragraphs are not enough. The whole paper has a flow logic, but it missing transition sentences between paragraphs. The subtopics are all same in both academic and non-academic writing, perhaps it's better to connect those paragraphs with one sentence. 2. After reading this paper, I only know that the academic writing in business is a type of writing that people write when they find something new. However, I don't really know if academic writing in business is journals or paper or maybe there's another type of writing in this specific field. Maybe you can make the focus more clear, show one special writing that only occurs in business field as academic writing to readers. Develop the structure, language and reference on this one type of writing. 3. Misconceptions and conclusion are under the same sub-topic, it's better to separate them, give conclusion a single sub-topic and contain more information in this ending paragraph. The ending is as much important as the very first paragraph, it's good to develop some personal thoughts in the end and make the paper more clear.
I really like this paper, and think it's a good first draft, please continue working on this one and fixing it into a better one.
Overall I thought your paper was so clear, easy to read, and made a lot of sense. You did a nice job making it flow and it was very organized. I liked how you used very specific answers from your interview. Your thesis statement is very interesting and pulls the reader in. I also liked how you took the time to conduct your own study in your dorm. It was a good example of what people really think of the word business. All of your citations looked correct. When you used a quotation from your interview it was good that you used "personal communication" to help cite what you wrote. I noticed very minimal grammar errors, but I would still suggest to back a proof read it a few more time just to make sure.
ReplyDelete1) Your sub topics are very organized by using "Academic, Non-Academic, and SLR." I am not sure if our professor wants it this way, but if he does not I would suggest to create new sub topics that are more interesting and pull the reader in more.
2) There were a few instances that you were referring back to the name of a journal but it was not in italics or quotations so it made it a little bit hard to figure out what exactly was the journal name versus what was your own writing. Just make sure to go back and fix that.
3) Your conclusion is a little bit short. I would try to add some more details and really just reiterate what your paper was about once again. Maybe go back to all the key points you made to make sure the reader really takes that away from the paper after finishing reading.
I thought you had a very strong paper! With just a couple of more corrections and details it should be great! Nice job!
After I first finished reading this paper, I think it is a good paper draft. The hook in the beginning is very interesting. The ideas are really clear, and the comparison of academic and non-academic writing in business is well formatted. The organization, structure and language are pretty good, this paper also uses references and the information from interview very well. I don't think I can give many useful advice for this paper, but here's some personal suggestions for you:
ReplyDelete1. The transition between each paragraphs are not enough. The whole paper has a flow logic, but it missing transition sentences between paragraphs. The subtopics are all same in both academic and non-academic writing, perhaps it's better to connect those paragraphs with one sentence.
2. After reading this paper, I only know that the academic writing in business is a type of writing that people write when they find something new. However, I don't really know if academic writing in business is journals or paper or maybe there's another type of writing in this specific field. Maybe you can make the focus more clear, show one special writing that only occurs in business field as academic writing to readers. Develop the structure, language and reference on this one type of writing.
3. Misconceptions and conclusion are under the same sub-topic, it's better to separate them, give conclusion a single sub-topic and contain more information in this ending paragraph. The ending is as much important as the very first paragraph, it's good to develop some personal thoughts in the end and make the paper more clear.
I really like this paper, and think it's a good first draft, please continue working on this one and fixing it into a better one.