Proposal samples

Ranking

1)Off Campus purchases
A) Formatted really well, gave good background information. Gave good, personal examples
B) talked a lot about Genders. When there are times girls do eat more then men.

2) Course requirement extortion
A) Gave concrete evidence about the problem, Gave good math stats to prove how expensive it is.
B) did not explain well of to solve the issue. Very weirdly formatted.

3)Nuclear power
A) Gave a lot of background detail. Went into detail about the nuclear power
B) did not explain a good way to solve the problem. weirdly worded and formatted

topic proposal

Write a topic proposal and post it to your blog. A topic proposal should include:

o   Concise discussion of the subject

o   A clear statement of your intended focus.

o   A rationale for choosing the topic

o   A list of resources

Why Francis should get underground walk way.

-          Focus

o   Adding an over pass at St. Francis parking lot.

o   Stating how Francis pays cops 100 dollars a day for an hour of cops directing traffic.

o   This will help the traffic on Roosevelt road.

o   Save money over time

§  61 years of at Francis.

§  Paying 100 dollars a day for cops to be there for 1 hour (30 in the morning, 30 after school)

§  Over 150 days of school (150*100= 15,000) a year

·       15,000 * 61 year= 915,000

o   We have spent almost 1 million dollars just for cops to help traffic in 61 years.

o   Very dangerous for when the cops don’t show up

§  Personal connection- my cousin got hit by a car one day when the cops were not present on campus.

-          Why I choose this?

o   Very important to St. Francis

o   They wasted a lot of money

o   Holds up traffic on a main road

o   Very dangerous.

Sources

 

https://overground.com/portfolio

speech 2

the purpose of this speech is to propose a solution to a problem people face. the speech should be 5-8 minutes. it should not be a huge topic that we cant solve. we need to come up with a solution with evidence of how it will work. provide an aid. I plan on using a PowerPoint

How many sources should we have?

How i can imporve my paper

after editing my peer's papers, I realized there are many things I can change for my paper as well. After reading and giving comments like, "go more in-depth", I realized I need to explain more in my paper to make it stronger a well. I also can look to make my paper stronger by fixing my word choice. I noticed when editing my peer's papers, there were times where they could have used a better, more advanced word. There are times in my paper where I feel I could improve my word choice. Editing other peoples papers, opens my eyes to see what else I can work on. Editing others also reminds me what I need to do and looking at their formatting helps me to remember to follow the correct APA format.

comments for paper 2

methods

Many college students fear of the horrifying “freshman 15”. Serval research test have been conducted whether the freshman 15 is a real thing, or not. After studies were tested, the freshman 15 is a myth. The average girl gains about 4 pounds her freshman year, while the average male gains about 3.5 pounds his freshman year.  The main factors behind weight gain freshman year consist of lack of sleep, eating diet, not working out, and alcohol intake. The transition from high school to college is a big jump for many students. Students are on their own for the first times in their life. They now don’t have parents telling them to go to sleep or saying make sure you ae eating healthy and working out. A college student has the freedom now to do whatever they want. A survey was conducted to see how many college freshmen believe freshman year people gain 15 pounds in one academic school year. Gender of the person taking the survey plays a major role in the answers given.

An article called Beating the Freshman 15, says on average students gain 3-10 pounds, but not just in their first year of college. This statistic is in the first two years of college. Weight gain in college goes hand and hand with temptations. The temptation to go get fast food, or an extra slice of pizza at the dining hall causes first year students to gain the weight. Even though colleges have many healthy eating options, the un healthy, greasy options over power the healthy options. In college, a lot of your previous habits tend to change. In high school a person may be in bed by no later than 11 P.M, while freshman year of high school, a student may be up till 2 A.M finishing their paper and assignments. Staying up late causes a person to find themselves hungrier at later times. A person should stop consuming fatty food before the time of 8 P.M. After 8, the food a person consumed is not burned off because of the lack of physical activity. In food a person intake after 8, tends to turn into fat, rather than being burned off.  

A study showed freshman gained 4 pounds in 12 weeks, the students only were eating 174 extra calories each day. This shows by just cutting out a soda for water each day, a person can easily not gain the extra four pounds in 12 weeks. There ae various ways to cut back on a diet. Switching drinks is a easy way. Instead on intaking calories through drinking, a person can easily drink water, which has zero calories and keeps a person hydrated.  A lot of students tend to gain weight in college being of the massive binge drinking. Drinking alcohol frequently can not only damage you liver, but also your weight. Beer and liquor contain a lot of calories.

Physical activity plays a major role in gaining weight in college. A lot of high school students are involved in sports, which kept them in good physical shape. When coming to college, students tend to not be involved in the sport they once were involved in. This leads to the lack of exercise. Researchers found that students who exercise at least 3  days a week were more likely to be in better physical health.

Participants: Freshman from the university of Iowa were asked to take an anonymous survey. The survey was made on google sheets. The questions of the survey consisted of questions about how they feel about the freshman 15, and their beliefs that go along with it. The questions are, “What is your gender”, “do you believe in the freshman 15”? “How often do you consume alcohol”? “How much sleep do get on the average night”? How many hours of the week do you do physical activity”? “Would you consider yourself a healthy eater”?

Chart and Questions

Article	How to control weight gain	Gender	Alcohol	Sleep	Exercise
Teen Health Beating the freshman 15	Don’t eat when stressed Do not skip meals Do not late-night snack Stay away from fast food and vending machines steer clear of vending machines and fast food keep healthy snacks like fruit and vegetables on hand in your room replace empty-calorie soft drinks with water or skim milk		Beer And Liquor have a lot of calories leading to weight gain.	Should be sleeping at least 7 hours a night to be consider healthy	·       Research says people who work out 3 days a week are in better shape. ·       30 minutes a day like walking running, jogging
The Freshman 15: does college cause students to gain weight?		Men and women who are in college weigh less than those who do not attend college.   The freshman 15 is a rumor.
Freshman 15 Stats		Study showed average woman to gain 4 pounds and man to gain 3.5
Freshman 15 causes			Drinking causes a lot of weight gain your freshman year	Kids who don’t sleep enough tend to eat more at night causes weight gain	When getting to college people drop their workout habits due to being busy.

 

Survey Questions

1.       What is your Gender?

2.       Has your diet since college changed?

3.       Do you workout often/ physically active?

4.       Do you consume alcohol?

5.       Do you believe in the freshman 15?

 

Links

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/freshman-15.html

https://journalistsresource.org/studies/society/public-health/freshman-15-college-student-weight-gain

http://www.personal-nutrition-guide.com/freshman-15-statistics.html

https://www.weightwatchers.com/us/?cid=dsp_fall_jff_save30_offer_101818

 

research question

Do you believe in the freshman 15?

This topic is important since I am a freshman, I want to see how people feel about this specific argument. Since America has the highest obesity rate, I think this topic is very interesting and looking into the causes of it. I want to see if college has anything specifically to do with it. Also, I am interested to see the difference response between genders. I am planning on conducting a survey asking first what persons gender. Then, asking if they believe the freshman 15 is a real thing. A lot of people are always worried about their weight, so seeing the difference the responses with genders. When researching the topic, I am going to search the obesity with different genders, boys and girls. Also, I am going to search most popular food on a college campus. I think searching facts about college kids drinking in college has a factor in the weight gain so, I am going to research alcohol with weight gain as well. Even searching information about sleeping habits. If kids stay up later, they are more likely to eat more, so finding out if staying up late has anything to do with it.

IMRaD

One of the major differences between a IMRaD writing and a argument based paper is the formatting. An argument-based paper is APA formatted, while IMRaD writing focuses mainly of the intro, methods, results, and discussion. A IMRaD paper is more for research and experiments. It is used to talk about the method used to solve a problem, while then exampling results.

              An argument-based paper is set up differently as well. An argument- based paper is set up to flow. An IMRaD paper purpose to explain what happened, for example, if a person conducted a survey, they would state how they did they survey, then state the results. This type of paper is more straight forward.

              I have done both forms of writing in my past. In high school science classes, we would have to do lab write ups every month. For the lab write ups, we would write a IMRaD form of paper. We would explain what we are testing, how we tested the experiment, the results from the experiment, and then discussion the final remarks and what could have gone wrong. Since I have been doing this since my freshman year of high school, I am very familiar with this form of writing. Also, in my English classes each year we would have to write an argument-based paper. The paper I had to argue a specific topic I was fighting about. I had to state example of why it is correct, then putting a counter claim along with it. The two types of writings are very different to each other. It is important to know the difference and be able to write both forms.

Outline

1. 
   
   
   
   

    Highlighted area is new stuff

   
   
   

   1. Hook
      1. Stat on how many people have purchased an Alexa.
      2. And How many people viewed that first commercial
      3. or how much a commercial for super bowl will cost
      4. 
         
      
      

   
   
2. Purpose Was effective
3. Body
1. Main points
1. Kept audience engaged
1. making it comical
2. the actors the chose
3. the setting
2. memorable
1. by keep saying the word Alexa
2. by making fun of what is going  on,
1. the grilled cheese the professional chef laughed at him
3. give so many scene to keep the audience interested to keep paying attention
4. in the commercial you see Amazon in the background, so people can find where to purchase one
4.  
   To promote a new electronic that talks to you
5. 1. The author did it in a way that involves the app visually
   2. Has many people try to be alexa
      1. But there can be only one Alexa
         1. There are now different forms of alexa
         2. Reason why at the end it says “I’ll take it from here”
6. Memorable
   1. This commercial was meant to be memorable because of the humor
   2. The people in the commercial are meant to make people enjoy it and remember that Alex relates to well-known people
      1. It makes the commercial stick out more, by not having random actors.
   3. The author gives many different scenes to keep the audience engaged and watching
      1. Instead of just one place and it gets boring
   4. By constantly saying Alexa.
      1. This makes the audience hear the word Alexa and think of the commercial
         1. Being repetitive makes a person remember a certain thing
7. Humor
   1. The author gets characters who are funny to make the audience laugh
   2. The author makes it comical by having one actor ask Alex to do something and a different person answering
      1. Ex: the guy talking about cooking, he ends up talking to a professional chef
      2. When guy ask to play county, cardi B starts playing her rap
   3. The author uses comic relief to have the audience laugh
      1. This helps the audience remember the commercial
   4. He uses a technique
   5. The technique the author uses can be considered risky
      1. He portrays Alexa to never answer correctly and not be there.
      2. People may think Alexa does not work all the time
         1. But at the end Alexa comes back and said she will take it from here.
         2. This is meant for recurrence
8. Details
   1. In the background you see the sign amazon
      1. That is where a person can get the item
9. Characters

1. Gordon Ramsay

1. Professional chef
   1. Working out outside when trying to be Alexa

2. Cardi B

1. Rapper
   1. Getting ready in her room when trying to be alexa

3. Rebel Wilson

1. Actress
   1. In the bath when trying to be alexa

4. Anthony Hopkins

1. actor

5. JB Smoove

1. Actor writer and comedian

6. Leslie Jones

1. Comedian actress
1. The characters were used so everyone from every audience would understand and know someone in the commercial
1. Setting
   1. First aired on super bowl Sunday on the 4^th quarter
   2. Over 111 million people watch super bowl
      1. Having a bunch of different actors, all the audience can easily connect and recognize a character
2. Author
   1. The author did a good job getting his point to promote Alexa
      1. He used great actors
      2. Made the commercial funny
      3. Made it so people would remember it
3. Ending
   1. You hear Alexa’s voice and she says “ill take it from here”
      1. This is meant to show who she is and how she works

Speech

Commercial Speech

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=alexa+loses+her+voice+commercial&qpvt=alexa+loses+her+voice+commercial&view=detail&mid=17994B90EF86D2F1F2A217994B90EF86D2F1F2A2&&FORM=VRDGAR

The Alexa loses her voice commercial was released for the super bowl 2018 game, for the fourth quarter of the game.  The purpose of this commercial was to promote the speaker Alexa. The author of the commercial promoted Alexa in a comedically way, by getting famous singers, chefs, and actresses. The super bowl is one of the biggest games of the year, having 111.5 Million viewers. The author got well known people to feature in the commercial to make the audience more engaged, by having someone they know on the screen promote the commercial. The audience of the commercial is made for anyone. Also, why the author got a variety of famous, well known people. This was beneficial because If one person watching did not know Cardi B, they may know the chef, Gordon Ramsey. The author succeeded by putting a variety of well-known people in his commercial. The author of the commercial uses pathos to persuade the audience. The author using feelings in the commercial to get people engaged in the content. The commercial was meant to be comedic, leaving a remembrance of the commercial in the persons head. This shows the author used pathos when creating the commercial. Another way the author had people remember the product was to repeat the product often. In the commercial they always refer to Alexa. This is used to help promote the name, so people remember the name. Alexa is known for helping asset someone with just their voice. In the commercial they demonstrate that a lot with each scene always saying “Alexa can you” and then finish the sentence. This helps the audience understand how Alexa works. The commercial is comical because every time a person ask Alexa to do something the app will never do as they say. This is meant to make the commercial funny, leaving the audience with a laugh. By doing that, it can be a little risky having Alexa not do the commands you ask because it portray to the audience that Alexa does not work correctly, the author purposely did this to make the commercial comical to the audience.  

Comments on my paper

Comments on my paper.

Grading and picking the strengths and weakness group work

1. Political science (A-)
   1. Strengths
      1. Good formatting
      2. The audience was very clear
      3. They were very organized
   2. Weakness
      1. The structure
      2. Too much in the abstract
2. Creative writing(A-)
   1. Strengths
      1. Strong intro
      2. Good conclusion
   2. Weakness
      1. Sub topics don’t relate
      2. Paragraph to paragraph did not flow
3. The role of writing in engineering (B)
   1. Strength
      1. Good APA heading
      2. Good quotes
   2. Weakness
      1. Had grammar errors
      2. Citation is incorrect
4. Writing in the business discipline (B-)
   1. Strength
      1. Good sub topics
      2. Separates academic and nonacademic nicely
   2. Weakness
      1. Bad citations
      2. Bad organization
5. Writing in economics (C)
   1. Strength
      1. Strong academic and nonacademic section
      2. Used a lot of sources
   2. Weakness
      1. Wrong formatting
      2. Not subjective enough
6. Writing in Psychology (D+)
1. Strength
   1. Good ideas
   2. Brain stormed well
2. Weakness
1. Very short
2. Wrong formatting

By Bella Capobianco, Ashley Mitchell, Miranssa Guo